


I want you to have it

by dogsbreath, rhodestead



Category: Chicago Med, One Chicago
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27768484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogsbreath/pseuds/dogsbreath, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhodestead/pseuds/rhodestead
Summary: It's an inner battle. Will and his faith. Connor and reality.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton, Rhodestead - Relationship, Upstead - Relationship, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes (Chicago Med)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	1. Expensive drinks

**Author's Note:**

> This work was written in twitter DMs. There will be typos and I apologize !  
> 

Connor was thinking of the moment he knew he was in love with Will. it was something so mundane, and it was Will bringing him coffee. His stupidly complicated order is bad enough that the only one who ever remembers is Sarah, so when Will came in halfway through a graveyard shift with two coffees and wordlessly handed him one, and it was right? Connor choked. he lied about it after, saying he swallowed it down the wrong way, but really, he realized that oh.... Oh, I’m in love with you.

Will didn’t do it to flirt, though. All he knew was that Connor was having a rough time. Between his dad and Ava, he had to lose a patient on the table. Will had had a rough week, too. After Maggie had put the idea in his head that he might become the new chief of the ED, getting the position stolen from him was devastating. He'd lost everything. Or at least it's how it felt like. He's put his heart in the job, always putting patient first. He's made mistakes in the past, but it seems like everyone gets a pardon but him. He's got his mistakes tattooed on him; he’d say. It has appeared falling in love was his latest. Nevermind helping people. Giving people a chance. People only see what's on the surface. Except Will. Hence why Maggie thought he deserved the job above everyone. And Connor did, too.

"You deserved it, by the way," Connor said as a thank you for the coffee.

"What?" Will said, confused about the topic of conversation.

"Chief of the ED, would have taken you over Ethan any day." His face flushed red. He didn't mean it that way, but it came out so wrong he felt embarrassed.

"Thank you, Connor, it means a lot," Will simply replied as he heads back to work. Before leaving, he opened back the door.

"Listen I... We both had a rough day would you mind getting a drink at Molly's with me tonight? Take our minds off of... this place" Will suggested.

"Yeah, sure, I'll be there" Connor replied, trying to keep it short. He caught himself smiling. He didn't know quite what he was feeling. But all he knew was Will made it a bit easier. He made him at peace. And he wanted this feeling to last forever.

* * *

“Herrmann, have you seen Connor?” Will asks, walking into Molly’s hours later. Herrmann looks up from the counter. Molly’s was busy, more so than usual, but Herrmann shook his head, frowning at him. “No, sorry.” Wills face falls, and he nods, thanks Herrmann, and goes outside. The second he steps past the threshold of molly’s, his phone rings.

“Hello?” Will answers.

“Will! Are you at molly’s yet?” Connor asks.

“... No, and neither are you, apparently.”

“I’m not, no.” Connor says.

Wills feels a surge of anger rise, and just as he opens his mouth to yell at him for ditching him, a black SUV pulls up in front of him. The call goes dead, and Will looks through the window just as the driver leans over the passenger seat and opens the door.

Will walks up to it and meets Connors eyes. Connor, who’s dressed in the leather jacket he’s never seen without, and dark jeans. “What?” Wills asks quietly, getting in.

Connor smiles at him, “the last few times I’d told you I’d go to Molly’s with you I ditched, so I figured I’d make it up to you with stupidly overpriced aged alcohol at my place.”

Will gapes at him, and Connor fidgets, turning onto the main road, “of course, if you want to, if not-“

“No! No!” Will interrupts, “I’d like that.”

* * *

Connor’s place is nice, really nice. But it’s also so utterly Connor it takes Wills breath sway.

"You decorated all that yourself?" Will jokes.

“April helped,” Connor replies, watching as Will checks out his living room.

"These cost more than my apartment," Will says, pointing at knickknacks on the shelves .

"What apartment?" Connor teases will as he pours the drinks.

"Ouch, my heart, I might need a heart surgeon to fix that," Will jokes, one hand on his head and the other one on the side of the couch, pretending to fall. Connor's face gets red again.

Connor comes over with the drinks and set them down. He reaches. hand out and checks Wills pulse, putting on his thinking face. “Now that you mention it…”

Will breaks and laughs, before Connor nudges his legs away so he can sit down. Connors smile is bigger than Wills seen it all week, he notices as he takes the glass from the heart surgeon.

"I'd pay to have seen your face when Goodwin announced Ethan as the new chief," Connor started the conversation.

"Maybe you should have had, you know how much I pay in insurance!" Will said, half joking; They both take a sip.

"For real tho, can I tell you something?" Will continued.

"Yeah, anything," Connor replied, as his heart keeps racing, and he has to remind himself to stop overreacting when he's around Will.

"I didn't even consider it, at first. I don't know if it was the whole thing with Hannah, or the fact that every damn day I get in there to do my job and nothing else, patients first. Until Maggie pointed out I was the oldest one in the ED... It made me believe, you know. After all that happened this year, I thought finally things might have turned around. But to know that my work is not valued because I pour my heart in the community ? It hurt a little," Will confessed, as he looked down not wanting to face Connor.

"I meant it, Will Halstead, when I said you'd be a good damn chief. You'll be one day. People will see all the good you do, not the mistakes you've made." Without thinking, Connor takes Will's wrist and starts rubbing it. He remembers when Will told him he felt like he had his mistakes tattooed on him. He didn’t. And Connor wanted him to see that. Will realized what Connor was doing. He remembers what he said. He was rubbing his mistakes away. As cheesy as it sounds, they both knew what the other was doing.

"Your mistakes aren't tattooed on you, Will. Even if no one else does, I see you for who you are" Connor continues, eyes locked in Will’s. God, he wants to let go and pretend he never did that. But he can't. He can't let go of his hand and Will doesn’t seem to want to either, not with the way he locks his fingers with Connors. Connor lets out a breath, eyes staring at their interlaced hands. “Will...” he whispers.

* * *

Connor can see a tear going down Will's eyes. He knows it's involuntary. He doesn't even know if Will knows it. So, he wonders if he should wipe it off or go hide in a corner because of how embarrassed he is.

"Connor I..." Will finally responds.

"I'm sorry," Connor says as he spontaneously lets to, surprising both of them at the same time.

"I need time" Will says, visibly struggling to process what he saw in Connor's eyes.

"Will I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm so sorry" Connor felt guilty. What was will thinking? That he'd pull him over and invite him for a one-night stand and pretend it never happen? Force something onto Will who, for all he knows, might be straight? Connor felt destroyed as he lets will out.

"It's ok Connor. Everything happens for a reason. Have a good night," Will replies as he heads out. His head was pounding. He felt butterflies in his stomach. But couldn't quite make out how he felt. He felt dirty. Homosexuality is a sin, he said. But then why did he wanted to kiss Connor so damn bad? He looked down at his phone. 23h44. Fuck it, he thought as he dials jay's number. 

* * *

“Halstead.” Jay answered. Will took a deep breath. “I’m lost,” he murmured. 

When Will said he was lost, he didn’t mean physically. he’s very capable of finding his way back to their apartment.

“Where are you?” Jay asks.

Wills mouth is dry, as he sits on the sidewalk. “Connors.”

“But you know-“

“please, jay.”

"Alright stay right there I'm coming," Jay replies, as Will can hear his little brother put his coat on. Jay takes Will back to his apartment and gave him a class of water, even though he refused. He opens himself a beer and sits across him on the couch. They both stay in silent. Jay knows Will doesn't deal well with his feelings. But this time it felt different. It felt like he wanted to let it all out. So, he gave him the space for it, as they both sat in silent, with nothing but each other’s company.

“I wanted to kiss him.” Is all he says at first, but that’s enough to set off the tears that had been clouding his eyes.

Jay puts down his beer and rushes to his brother's side. Stroke his back until Will finally look up again. Jay notices he's stroking his wrist.

"What's wrong?" Jay asks.

"Nothing, nothing. I just... He remembered. He always remembers."

"What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything. He didn't have to."

"And what did you do."

"I left, jay. I left him thinking he did me wrong."

"Why did you leave?"

"BECAUSE I CAN'T JAY. I CAN'T BE." Angry, not at jay but at the situation, will lashes out and pushes jay away.

"You can't be what, Will" Jay pushed. He knew where his brother was going. But it would do no good if he was the one saying it. Will had to. And when he finally does, jay takes a step forward and hugs him. As Will fights to let go, jay doesn't. Now we can move to the next step.

“I can’t be... gay.” He whispers. Jay hugs him tighter and lets him work though the stuff he needs to work through in his head. he doesn’t let go until he feels will relax.

“All everyone wants for you his to be happy. Mom, dad, and God. He put Connor in your path for a reason.” Jay was sincere. He loved his brother more than anything. He wants him to feel it.

“But it says that-”

“But god put him there for a reason Will. You have to trust him, okay. He also says you cannot have more than one type of flower in your garden. Every diverse garden is beautiful. And so is love.”

Will doesn’t reply. He’s still trying to hold back the tears.

“If he allows people to have more than one flower in their garden, Will, he’ll allow people to love more than one gender,” Jay finally adds after a moment of silence. “It’s okay to cry.” is all Jay whispers, sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor with Will.

* * *

It’s only a few days later Will confronted his fear and corners Connor in the break room. He didn’t hesitate. He finally just kissed him. He felt free. He couldn’t stop smiling. Connor grabbed his wrists, and wills could cry over how much he loves him.

“Can we keep it to ourselves ?” Will whispers.

“Anything you want, my love,” is all Connor had to say. “As long as I’m with you.

“Don’t let me go.”

“Never.”


	2. Halstead

Will decided to get Connor’s initials tattooed on his wrist. As a reminder of everything they’ve been through. “C.R.”

“So you think I’m a mistake?” Connor appeared behind Will. He had not noticed it, so consumed with reading his patients sheets.

“What,” Will jumped, as if he got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to.

“The tattoo,” Connor points out as he kisses his boyfriend’s neck.

“Maybe,” Will jokes as he kisses Connor back. “You were the eraser. You made everything worth it. You made me new again,” He whispers.

“No Will, I made you you again.”  
“Well now I’m the one blushing!”  
“It looks good on you.”

* * *

They married in secret, as Will still doesn’t want to make it public. Telling God was hard enough, but dealing with Sarah, Maggie and April’s screams were worst. It was Jay who officiated the wedding, of course.

“What’s that on your wrist?” Maggie asks.

“What’s what?” he asked, looking over at her. Maggie rose and eyebrow, eyeing his wrist. Wills turned it away from her, and she sighed, shaking her head.

She dropped it. He’s happy. Whatever the reason was, he was finally genuinely happy, and Maggie didn’t want to ruin that.

Sarah knew instantly. Doesn’t know their married, but knows they are Connors initials. She goes up to him in the break room and lays a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m proud of you.”

“What for?” Will asks, confused.

“Nothing. You’re a good guy, Will Halstead.”

“And you’re a good person, Sarah Reece,” he says back.

The hug she gives him when he comes out is enough to let him know she knew the whole time and is proud of him. she leans back and kisses him on the cheek before running out of the break room.

They ended up getting a real chapel wedding, like Will had always dreamed. Jay was the one walking him down the aisle. Reminding him his parents would be so damn proud to see him married the man that is Connor Rhodes. The one that made him whole. Jay was proud of his big brother. At the altar, Will notices the writing on Connor’s wrist.

“Is it real?” He asks, running a finger over it.

“The happiest mistake I’ve ever made,” Connor replies, in reference to his W.H. tattoo, as he smiles back at his husband.

* * *

After the ceremony, Jay goes to join will on the balcony.

"It's your night, what are you doing up here?" he asks, leaning agaisnt the railing next to him. 

"I knew before Connor," Will admitted, "but he's the one who made me whole."

"You've told me before, so what else is bothering you?"

"I never told dad." Will finally admits. "It's my biggest regret"

"He was a dick, granted. But he still loved us. And he loved you with everything he got. He kept asking for you. I found out later he was looking after me, too. He almost had me fooled. And I’m a detective! But there's one thing he'd always ask. “Is Will happy?”. That's all he ever cared about." Jay pauses and lays a hand on his shoulder. “He knows you’re happy, Will, and that’s all he cares about.”

"I wish he knew."

"I think, deep down, maybe he did. But focus on what you have now, with Connor. That's how you honour him."

"Thank you, Jay."

“Any time, brother.”

As Jay leaves, Will stops him dead in his track.

"So, are you not gonna mention it?" Will asks.

"Mention what?" jay says.

"Okay, I know I'm not a detective, but no one looks at a friend like the way you look at her."

"Oh, leave me alone!"

"Is she gonna take your name?" Will shouts at his brother as he goes back inside.

"Shut up," jay says, flipping him off as Will winks back at him.

"Hailey halstead sounds great", Will whispers to himself. "Tho I think she's more the ‘you take my last name type’ of woman... can't blame her. And he _would_!" Will goes back inside.

“So... Jay Upton... not bad.” Connor whispers to him as Will and Jay join him and Hailey at their table. Jay elbows him, and Connor laughs.

"You!" Jay outs, pointing at his brother.

"I didn't say anything swear!"

"Oh jay would never," Hailey inputs as Jay blushes.

"It's in the family I see," Connor whispers in Will's ears.

“The family you just joined.” Will adds.

“Best decision ever.”

"So, what were you guys gossiping about out there?" Hailey asks, knowing, but she likes to tease jay who, despite being an excellent detective, seems to be clueless about the situation. She supposed it’s a Halstead things.

“Nothing, future sister-in-law,” Connor grins.

"Excuse him, he had a little to drink," Will says as he takes the expensive scotch off of Connor's hands.

"Shush this costs more than your medical license, I saw the bill!" Connor retorts, as he takes the drink from Will's hand.

"Ouch," Will simply replied, defeated.

Jay's face is now tomato red, avoiding the situation, as Hailey sits a tad too close to him.

“You’ll live, my love.” Connor says, taking another sip.

“You know what, Rhodes-”

“I believe it’s Halstead, now.”

"You took his last name?" Hailey asks, knowing she'll get a straight answer as it's the first time she's seen Connor drunk.

"Yeah, cause being a Rhodes sucks!"

"He didn't take my last name," Will replies.

“Shuuuush I wanna be called Doctor Halstead from now on!" Connor stuttered.

"We talked, but even tho he's got baggage, it's still who he is. And he's got where he is because he worked hard. Not because of his dad," Will explains.

"And the tattoo," Jay inputs.

"Well and that!" Will adds.

“What about you, Hails? You gonna take Jay’s name?” Connor asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Nah, I’m more of a take my name kind of gal.”

“I’m gonna go get a drink,” Jay says as he stands up avoiding the topic of conversation.

* * *

Hailey and Jay get called in early the next morning, and Jay gets grazed by a bullet. Once at med, it’s Connor who patches him up in the ED, and Hailey’s next to him, holding Jay’s hands.

"Short honeymoon, eh," Hailey asks Connor.

"Doctors don't get honeymoons," he smiles at her.

"Neither do cops," she says as she smiles at jay.

Hailey’s got that look on her face, that ‘you could’ve died and I’m glad you didn’t you stupid idiot’ look.

“Well, then, he should be fine.” Connor states, finishing up the last stitch .“Keep an-”

“-Eye on him, don’t let him do anything dangerous, yeah, we’ve been through this before, thanks Connor.”

“Anytime. I’ll give you two some privacy.”

Once the curtain closes behind Connor, Hailey hits his arm, and Jay goes to back talk, but he sees the worry on her face.

“Hailey-”

“That was too close. Way too close.”

“I’m sorry.” jay whispers, squeezing her hand. she’s quiet for a second.

“Last night was fun and I appreciate you letting me come with you,” she says quietly, “but if you had asked, I wouldn’t have made you take my name.”

"I know. Unlike what Will thinks, Hailey Halstead doesn't sound too good"

"I think it does!"

"Are you proposing to me!"

"no i-"

"I'm teasing. Come on, let's get back to work."

He grabs his sweater, and Hailey helps him into it.

“I know it’s no proposal, but how would you feel about going on a date with me?”

* * *

—

The first person Hailey would tell about their engagement, a few years later, was Connor, as she hugged him tight, and thanked him for pushing them together.

“Do I hear wedding bells ringing or am i just imagining my mother’s ring on your finger?” Will asked, smiling as he pokes his head through the door.

“No!” she grins, turning to face him, while Connor nods, and Will laughs, and picks her up in a hug, “Oh it’s good for it to be official!”

Connor stops dead in his tracks.

"But i thought i had the ring?" He says.

"I know how much it means to the boys. I think Will wanted to surprise jay with it for the wedding, then give it back to you. As it belongs to you. But please, keep it. I feel so uncomfortable I’d prefer to have my own. I know it sounds weird but..."

Before Hailey could finish, Connor was undoing his necklace and placed the ring in Hailey’s hands. he closed her fingers around it, shaking his head.

"Mom Halstead would want you to have it, too. You can give it back or keep it. it looks gorgeous on you," Connor replies.

Without a word, Will hugs Connor from behind. He wants Connor to keep the ring, even though he and Jay had a pack. But the way Connor gave it to Hailey, knowing how much the rings means to him and his brother, filled him with joy.

“Connor… I can’t.”

“you can, Hails. Like I said, you can give it back, but I want you to have that moment with Jay too.”

After their wedding, Hailey found Connor in the crowd. She looked beautiful in her dress, and he was extremely happy she let him be up there with them. She pulls him away from Kevin and Adam, and brings him over to the side of the room, where they could see Sarah leading Will in a dance. She holds out his hand, and lays their mother-in-law’s ring in it, newly shined and dangling on a matching chain.

“You were right about the ring. It was important.” she says, smiling tearfully at him. She puts the ring around his neck, and he hugs her, picking her up off the floor, “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” She says tearfully. Connor pulls away, and wipes away a tear. “Now now, we can’t have you ruining your pretty makeup. We can cry over our husbands during our next movie night.” 

all she can do is laugh, and connor takes her out to the dance floor and proudly spins her around. 

**Author's Note:**

> To read about Will and Connor's engagement story: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27627088?view_adult=true


End file.
